I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
porn star boner night. come get it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
