Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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