I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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