i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
