Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
