Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
