Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
