trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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