Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
