Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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