I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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