Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
