At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
