On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
