I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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