I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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