I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My ass is underappreciated
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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