yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
