i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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