she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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