NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
