I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
