alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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