I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She bit a glass in half.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
