i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
