a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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