He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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