I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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