I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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