John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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