tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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