3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My first STD was from a foam party
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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