So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
