My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
send nudes
from the living room?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
