dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
