i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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