Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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