Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
