I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
