my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
