Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
