u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
