please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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