and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
my poor anus
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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