you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
