? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
