Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He passed out mid-signature
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
