Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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