I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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