i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
