I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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