woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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