just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
