He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There are leaves in my underwear?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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