How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
