I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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