We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
