you would pick up someone in the library
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
