Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
