Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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