I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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